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Lately, for me, things around here have been difficult. After seeing great improvement in Stone's behavior upon starting the GF/CF diet, we've hit a plateau. We're still trucking along, but his more frequent outbursts require quite a bit of my time, which leads the little ones to more creative ways to get attention.
I'm not totally naive, I didn't think the diet alone would heal him completely. I know there are so many more factors, factors much more difficult to control than the simple removal of Gluten and Casein. The real difficulty is that the other changes involve more of me, changes in parenting and my natural way of handling situations. I know the payoff will be big, but we're right here in the nitty-gritty and honestly, it's hard and messy and ugly.
There are times when I sit and ask God some hard questions, "Are you sure, really sure, that you chose the right person for this?" "Did I let my desires to have a family overtake His will for my life?" I don't get answers, verbal answers, but I do have an overwhelming peace, a deep-down gut feeling that I'm right where I'm supposed to be...even if my hands are full.
It's funny how, just when you start throwing your own pity party and feeling like you were given an insurmountable task, God throws just the thing you need your way. By way of a new commenter, I stumbled upon this site. I am humbled and honestly can't even begin to express my respect and compassion for this woman.
Caring for others creates so much joy in your own heart. I don't know how to explain it, because it sounds as if it should be the opposite. Even though I feel overwhelmed, I feel a deep need to help more children. Knowing the ins-and-outs of the foster care system, realizing the extent of abuse, understanding the need for support and care awakens a desire to move.
"Now that I have seen, I am responsible,
Faith without deeds is dead.
Now that I have held you in my own arms,
I cannot let go."
- excerpt from "Albertine," by Brooke Fraser
God called me to a specific task, he didn't call me to a comfortable task. My hands are full, but my heart is too. It may sound cliche, but it's the truth - and for now, that's the best I can do.
10 comments:
I am thinking of you and praying for you right now... and am glad that God can hear my prayers through the noise of the Blue Clue's theme song!
God can take your frustration and tough questions. :) I'm praying for you! I've so often heard the phrase "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." But really, I think it's the opposite. I think he DOES give us more than we can handle so that we give it back to Him. Thank you for your powerful witness as a Christian mother!
-Anna
You are a great mother and the 3 little boys are lucky to have you!
Those were the best times of my life- raising my children! I have great respect for you!
I'm going thru this with you girl! I sometimes feel as though "God are you sure you picked the right girl for this?" But am at peace with my family the way it was given to me and would take it no other way. It's not easy but I'm up for the challenge, what about you? : ) HUGS!!
Thank you so much for this post...
Thank you so much for this post...
Brit- Thank you for sharing your blog with me. You are so funny! I love all the pictures! Thank you for sharing your precious boys with me for the past few years. I will never forget your awesome family!
I so hear you on this many times over! My sweetie is doing great, but I do want to throw pitty parties for myself sometimes. I am so glad stone is improving,and I pray that you figure out the next steps in terms of helping him.
This is one of my favorite posts of yours. I have always admired you and your family. You are such givers and are so patient and kind. I often sit back and ask myself if I could handle 3 little ones with the grace and ease that you do and often the answer is probably not. I admire you and Heath for the wonderful parenting you do and for the wonderful boys you are raising. It is refreshing to hear that you too have some hard times in the parenting circus. You're doing a wonderful job!
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