Posts
We live in very overwhelming times… We know a lot of people,
we participate in a lot of activities, work creeps into family, social media is
constant and we have a lot of things to keep up with. Our lives are very different from times
past. We like to say we are progressive,
that our quality of life is better, that we have appliances and gadgets that
make our lives easier, but is this true?
When my kids were little, I convinced myself that I needed a
fancy new washer and dryer to keep up with laundry. My old cheapies worked just fine, but didn’t
I need something with more cycles? A
front loader to save water? A dryer with
a larger capacity?
Well, we got them… and I’d be a big fat liar if I told you
they made my life easier!
Those things have more bells and whistles than I could ever
use, and these bells and whistles have come with high repair costs. Plus, I have to clean the gaskets and empty
the drains. These fancy things that were
supposed to make my life easier have actually become time and money sucks for
my family. And they are just one, very
simplistic example.
What about your phone?
What about your cable?
What about all of the activities your kids participate in?
What about that part-time work schedule?
It is so easy for the “easier things” to make our life a lot
less simplistic – and it often has to become overwhelming before we do anything
about it.
Another trap I have
fallen into is putting too many activities on my families’ plate “for the good
of the children.” This is so easy to do,
especially with four children and sports that seem to pop up throughout the
year.
The older my kids get, the more I realize that simplicity is
a constant way of life. But, I have
developed a check list of sorts that helps me to ascertain the best practices for
my family. When things seem to get
really out of whack, I often go back to this to see where we are out of
balance.
Do What the Kids Want
Now, before you crucify me for letting my kids run the show,
listen… Of course I don’t mean let your kids do whatever they want. I mean to listen to their opinions and
beliefs. Last year, our family got way
out of our simplicity zone. My kids were
involved in a variety of activities, and I took on a way larger work load than
I ever had before. It was a bad combination,
but I put my head down and figured we would muddle through. Bad idea.
My kids were exhausted, I was exhausted, and it often ended
in some pretty big explosions that I would rather not revisit.
I thought that I was being a great mother, putting my kids
in so many activities that they wanted to participate in. I quickly learned that just because a kid
asks to be in something doesn’t mean they want to actually fully participate in
the activity. In fact, I find that what my kids want is often a lot simpler than what
I think they want.
Last year, we wound up playing a variety of sports and,
while they were fun to try, we were practically dragging the kids to their
games in the end. I didn’t want to let
the team down, so we finished the seasons.
But it was the opposite of simplistic for our family. This year, I’m looking for camps, or classes
that we can try out on a one-time or short-term basis before we agree to
participate.
Don’t Try to be Perfect
Nothing stresses me out more than trying to keep up with the
Joneses. Unfortunately, however, this is
a practice that I think everyone participates in at some point (or multiple
points). And, I think it’s a practice
that is easier to fall into than avoid.
When my babies were little I
met a person at the park that commented on how it looked like I had it all
together. I had three kids under the age
of three in tow, and I had actually put on makeup that day. At first, I just took the complement and
thanked her – but then I thought again.
She had a newborn. A new
newborn. I knew she was exhausted and I
wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone.
So, I told her the truth.
I hadn’t washed my hair in a week, I hadn’t taken a shower
that morning and I had snot all over the inside of my shirt from wiping little
kid noses. I hid it all well.
We had a good laugh and she thanked me for being
honest. I think so often we try to be
perfect and try not to let others see us for who we truly are, but that most
often ends in disaster. You can’t keep
up with it all – none of us can. So
asking for help or excepting help from others is mandatory… and doesn’t mean
that you are weak. Simplicity is a group
effort!
Limit the Noise
When my kids were home fulltime, I craved silence. Just a little bit of time to myself to think
was heaven. But, I often found that
instead of relishing the silence to think, I just cluttered it with outside
noise. There are so many things
competing for our time today… the television, your phone, YouTube, podcasts, TV
on demand, it is all at our fingertips.
While these avenues can be a great way to decompress, I have found that
filling my empty time with noise takes away some of the simplicity of
life.
I find now that I get a little nervous in the silence. When my kids are in school, it just seems too
quiet… but I am taking some steps to learn to embrace it. I got to thinking – I know I operate better
when I give myself space to think, but does this transfer to everyone?
A recent study published in Scientific
American says yes. Our brains need
more mental breaks, and these breaks “increase productivity, replenish
attention, solidify memories and encourage creativity.”
Now who couldn’t use more of that?
I think that our constant focus on receiving and taking in
information has given us little time to actually process all of the information
we receive. Additionally, we often view
downtime, or vacation time as weakness and leave our free days at work unused –
in fact a recent survey found that Americans have an average of nine
unused vacation days per year. And,
when they do take vacation, many will admit to obsessively checking their phone
and email - not quite the break they need!
We look at idleness as a problem, but…
“Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice;
it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived
of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets,” surmises Tim
Kreider, a New York
Times essayist. “ The space and
quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from
life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the
wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration – it is, paradoxically, necessary
to getting any work done.”
All I can say to that is AMEN!
I try to stay ahead of my kids to keep their mornings and other “out the door” times simple. This means packing lunches the day before, laying out clothes for the next day and meal planning. Bulk cooking has been a life saver for me, giving me the ability to spend time connecting with my kids during the afternoons instead of spending time in front of the stove.
There are some amazing online resources for bulk cooking – many even offer a full shopping list and plan of action. Basically, you set aside a full day to cook up a month’s work of meals. For our family, this is a lot of crock pot recipes and casserole recipes that I can have in place before the craziness of the afternoon hits. This way, dinner is on the table and weeknight clean-up is a snap. If you aren’t into doing the cooking yourself, there are some different companies that offer the convenience of doing the work for you. You will, of course, pay a premium in price, but that reward of a more simplistic evening is well worth it!
